They say the wife is often the last to know if the husband is cheating. This is often true because you either choose to ignore the signs or you’re completely unaware of them.
It’s not your fault.
Every person is different and not all signs of cheating are definitive. But there are a few behavior changes that may indicate if your partner is having an affair.
The Expert
Asia Top Investigation, led by Mr. Vincent Tan, was featured in The Straits Times local newspaper over the last 30 years because of his outstanding contribution to the Private Investigation sector.
Established in 1990, Vincent has been in the private investigation industry since the 1990s. Over the years he has undertaken thousands of cases on Matrimonial and Commercial cases and is now leading one of the best private investigations agencies in Singapore, Asia Top Investigation.
Vincent Tan is a certified International Private Investigator and was awarded Asia Top Investigator in May 2012. With a combination of 45 years of investigation experience and using Artificial Intelligence to provide clients with one-stop professional investigation services.
With more than 30 years of experience in the local and international private investigator industry, Vincent Tan of Asia Top Investigation LLP has won various recognition and accolades as one of the best private detectives in the world.
His Advice On What To Do?
"Just remember," Vincent says, "the signs of cheating can vary from one person to another. It’s important to remember that although a few behavioral changes can be a sign of cheating it’s not always the case."
Here are some possible signs that your husband may be unfaithful to you:
1. He never leaves his phone
He sleeps with his phone by his side, brings his phone into the bathroom, owns more than one phone, doesn’t share his password with you, or has secret apps. Sometimes, he will hang up the phone whenever you are near him or have to walk away from you to take a call/reply to a message.
2. Clearing of browsing history
He regularly clears the call list or message history from his phone and/or his online search history from his phone or laptop.
3. Sudden & drastic change in his behavior
You notice a sudden change of behavior or change of attitude towards you and he becomes more particular about his look or starts to dress better when you go out, even if it’s to a nearby supermarket. You also start noticing small intimate gifts in his possession not given by you or purchases of items in credit card statements that were not meant for you. In some cases, he might even treat you extremely nicely that you feel he has done something wrong.
4. Loose items found in his car
Such as a lost earring or jewelry, long hair on the seats, or unfamiliar perfume smells not by you.
5. Unexplained marks on his clothes/body
Such as lipstick stains on his shirt, small bruises (or lovebites) on his neck, or a new perfume he is wearing.
6. Travelling or working late more frequently
He starts to go on more work trips overseas more frequently and does not let you know his flight details when traveling or starts saying that he has to work late in his office more frequently because of this upcoming big project. He also dodges your call when he is working late or overseas giving excuses such as being in a meeting at 10 pm or having no wifi when overseas. Sometimes, he will also take leave from work more frequently and without your knowledge.
7. Disassociation
He finds reason to stop wearing his wedding ring, or any other possessions that you both share such as couple tees, and jewelry. In some cases, he might even give excuses not to have sex with you as frequently as before saying that he is tired from work.
8. He makes decisions without discussing them with you first
Planning an overseas trip, sending his car for servicing, or making plans that are out of his ordinary character is usually a sign of someone trying to buy time to do something else. If you find that your partner is often making excuses to be somewhere else, especially for hours on end, it is highly likely that he is making plans with someone he doesn’t want you to know about.
9. Awkwardness within his social circle
His friends/colleagues appeared uncomfortable in your presence and prevents attending functions when your friends whom he knows are also attending.
10. He is easily agitated
If your partner is usually forgiving and avoids confrontation but you suddenly realised a change in attitude when he often starts an argument over seemingly small or trivial matters, this could be a sign of infidelity too. This is when your partner redirects his dissatisfaction toward you to something unrelated and could sometimes leave you confused as to why he is acting out of character or easily getting mad at something small.
Disclaimer: The aforesaid signs are personal views from an experienced Private Investigator in Singapore and are only meant for your reading pleasure.
What Should You Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating On You?
Make Sure He’s Actually Cheating On You
It might seem obvious, but before you phone up that divorce lawyer, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a cheating partner. Now, if you walked in on him in bed with another woman, then you know he’s cheating for sure. Otherwise, you’re going to have to play detective.
This is especially important as you might be wrong.
True, he could be acting suspiciously, not telling you what’s bothering him, yet that doesn’t mean that he’s definitely cheating on you. He could just as easily be having problems at work or may have someone like a health scare that he doesn’t want to burden you with yet.
If you’re looking to know if you’re husband is cheating, you may contact a professional private investigator who specializes in matrimonial investigations like Asia Top Investigation.
Distance Yourself From The Situation
You’ve just found out that your husband is cheating on you. It’s natural for you to want to scream and break things, after all, this is one of the worst breaches of trust that can ever happen to you.
However, this anger isn’t always a good thing, as when your emotions take over, you’re likely to say things that you might regret years later.
Instead, remove yourself from the situation. If he doesn’t live with you, ask him to go back to his own apartment in order to give you space to think. If you live together you may wish to take yourself off to stay with a family member or a friend, although this can be hard when there are children involved.
Never feel like you cannot ask him to leave. His name might be on the deed but it was his that choose to cheat, so it should also be him that goes to stay in a hotel.
Once he’s gone, you’ll be free to cry and explore your anger and sadness as much as you want. This will give you the space you need to think and decide what you would like to do next.
Confide In Trusted Family Or Friends
When you find out a husband or partner has been cheating on another woman, many wives feel embarrassed and want to hide this information. Never do this!
Instead, confide in a close family member or friend, as they will be able to help advise you on what you should do in the future.
Just remember, no one is going to judge you as it wasn’t you cheating on a partner – you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
Talking to someone about his affair also gives you the opportunity to get everything off your chest. Let them make you a hot drink and pour your heart out. You might be surprised at just how better this will make you feel.
Plus, it gives you the opportunity to discuss whether you think he’s telling you the whole truth and whether or not you should consider staying together.
Understanding Your Emotions
When your partner has been unfaithful, it becomes tempting to bottle up all your emotions and put a smile on your face as if nothing has happened.
However, this is extremely unhealthy for both you and those around you. As the more you bottle up your feelings, the more likely you are to snap and have a breakdown – which is far from what you need at the moment.
Now, if you have children, you’ll probably not want to spend your days crying in front of them. They’ll already wonder where their dad is, and a crying mom will only worry them.
However, when you’re away from them, let your emotions flow. Over time, it will help you work through your feelings and help you decide what your next steps should be. It also helps to understand the 5 Stages Of Grief which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Never Start Blaming Yourself
Many women who have been cheated on, start to blame the breakdown of their marriage on themselves. Perhaps you feel you nagged him too much, or you didn’t get dressed up to impress him as much because you were busy with the children.
You should never blame yourself, though, as you both made a commitment to each other. If he wasn’t happy, he should have suggested marriage counseling for you both rather than starting a relationship with someone else.
So, whether it’s you blaming yourself or he’s using you as an excuse for his behavior, don’t let it fly. You aren’t the reason why he took his wedding ring off and started hitting on women, that’s all down to him and it’s his fault your marriage is failing.
You should also hold off on blaming the other woman until you find out whether she knew he was married; she could quite as easily be a victim in this thinking she was starting a relationship with another single.
ASIA TOP INVESTIGATION LLP
License, No. L/PS/000016/2020
Telephone No. +65 8820 0007 via Phone or WhatsApp call
Email Address: vt@asiatopinvestigation.com
Asia Top Investigation LLP believes in solving your case with the most efficient and cost-effective method. Using Artificial Intelligence( AI ) Technology, and reducing unnecessary investigations to reduce the cost of investigations without compromising the quality of the case.
If you need any private investigation services in Singapore, please contact Private Detective Vincent Tan @ +65 8820 0007 or email vt@asiatopinvestigation.com
If you’re looking for an experienced PI to help solve your case or if you need some advice on an ongoing case, you may contact Asia Top Investigation at vt@asiatopinvestigation.com or WhatsApp us at +65 8820 0007.
Here are some articles that might interest you as well:
How to Deal with Infidelity
5 types of cases that are commonly handled by Private Investigators
How Private Investigators Gather Evidence of Suspected Adultery
Is it Worth Hiring a Private Investigator?
Best Matrimonial Private Investigators In Singapore
How To Hire An Investigator
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