How to repair your relationship after someone cheats
Infidelity is one of the toughest setbacks for a relationship to overcome, but it can also be the catalyst for positive change. Studies show that unfaithfulness in a marriage accounts for around 37 percent of divorces — but with the right tools, it is possible to keep your relationship in tact.
How to Move Forward when someone cheats
If both you and your partner want to take the necessary steps to heal from an affair, it can be done, but it's going to be a long road. Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship.
Make sure there is remorse
There needs to be an adequate level of remorse. So if you’re the partner that has cheated, you really do have to feel deeply sorry. It can’t be something that can in any way come off nonchalant. There has to be deep sense of regret and remorse for what happened. And if your partner has cheated on you and you’re not feeling that remorse from them, that’s going to be something you’re going to want to look for as the starting point for you to get back on the same track.
Be honest about why it happened
This is the hardest step and will largely dictate whether or not you'll both be able to move forward. People can make poor choices at times. The question then becomes: does that poor choice and/or symptom(s) now have to dictate the future of a relationship? The answer largely depends on the motivating factors behind the affair. Underlying unmet needs in the relationship, poor communication, attachment difficulties and antiquated gender roles can all be impetus for an affair.
Infidelity is very complex, there’s a lot of depth and complexity to why people might cheat and how you can find a way back to each other. "Why did this happen? Where was the breakdown? What was it in our relationship that ultimately caused us to have an open door for someone else to walk into it? Having that insight in your relationship is going to be important.”
But if the person who cheated isn't willing to be upfront about why it happened — or starts pointing blame, repairing things might not be possible. [The reason] can’t be overly simplified, such as 'I’m a man' or 'it just happened. The only way to rebuild trust is to be completely clear why it happened so when faced with a similar situation in the future, a different choice will be made.
Move forward with brutal honesty and care
Being cheated on is damaging for a plethora of reasons, but one big factor that needs to be addressed in order to move past it is lack of honesty. The lying is a huge part of the betrayal, which is why we encourage the person who cheated to be brutally honest about all the details of the affair to move forward — not just the ones that will hurt his or her partner the least. The cheater has to be completely transparent and answer any and all questions.
This level of transparency needs to continue for as long as it takes to build that trust back up again; something that Elle says was key to her healing process. You’re going to have to set other things aside for a while and you’re really going to have to pour into this relationship in order for it to have a fresh, strong, new foundation.
Be selective about who you tell
Your gut reaction might be to blast your partner's indiscretions across social media for all to see, which is a common coping mechanism. I’ve seen people in this position go to extreme lengths to hurt their spouse in a very public manne. "Often this is done out of rage and with lack of clarity that usually makes the person who was cheated on look bad or crazy by how they react. It's healthy to talk to someone about what you're going through, especially to a therapist. But telling everyone in your inner circle can end up backfiring.
The more people that know about it, the more people are going to have their opinions based off of purely trying to protect you from getting hurt. Especially if you two do decide to work through this. The person who was cheated on may be able to forgive and move on, but the family still holds an intense grudge that usually puts more pressure on an already vulnerable relationship that is trying to rebuild and move on.
Consider working with a licensed Private Investigator
Before you let suspicion get the better of you in an affair, make sure that you have enough evidence to prove that your partner is cheating on you. Sometimes, it is best to engage a professional Matrimonial Private Investigator like Asia Top Investigation to help you gather the crucial evidence to prove your case, such as in court for child custody.
It can be hard to know what to do or even where to start. But that's exactly why we've written this simple guide on how to hire a private investigator, and what you should know before engaging an PI. Just remember to avoid doing these 3 things if you suspect your partner is cheating on you.
If you're looking for an experienced PI to help solve your case or if you need some advice on an ongoing case, you may contact Asia Top Investigation at vt@asiatopinvestigation.com or 📱 +65 8820 0007
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